Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Andy Borowitz: No Military Parade For Trump Due To Sudden Bone Spurs Outbreak

No military parade for Donald Trump as satirist Andy Borowitz imagines hundreds of thousands of military service members suddenly developing "bone spurs" as Trump did to evade the Vietnam draft

On a lighter note, The New Yorker's brilliant satirist Andy Borowitz "reports" that Donald Trump's big military parade will not be possible as hundreds of thousands of military service members have suddenly developed bone spurs making marching in a parade simply impossible.

The Pentagon has turned down Donald J. Trump’s request for a grand military parade in Washington, D.C., citing a sudden outbreak of bone spurs that would prevent men and women in uniform from participating.

Harland Dorrinson, a Pentagon spokesman, said that, within an hour of Trump’s request, more than a hundred thousand military personnel complained that they were suffering from acute cases of bone spurs that would make marching in such a parade a painful ordeal.

“In the history of the U.S. military, we have never experienced a bone-spur epidemic of this magnitude,” the spokesman said. “Regrettably, however, we have no choice but to issue thousands of deferments.”

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